Be Still and Live

#13: Balanced Health for Overwhelmed Moms: How Letting Go of Perfectionism Made Room for Real Change with Jess Cotterchio

• Gillian Gabryluk • Season 1 • Episode 13

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Some health stories look polished on the outside while quietly falling apart behind the scenes. This conversation moves in the opposite direction.

In this episode, we sit down with Jess — a mother of four and grounded health coach — for an honest conversation about healing body image anxiety, releasing disordered patterns around food, and stepping out of the all-or-nothing mindset that keeps so many mothers stuck.

Jess shares how pregnancy, twins, and the realities of motherhood shifted her understanding of health from “getting smaller” to nourishing a life. Together, we explore the pressure modern mothers carry — perfectionism, comparison, and unrealistic expectations — and why rigid rules often lead to shame rather than change.

Instead, Jess offers compassionate structure: flexible rhythms that adapt to seasons, sleep, and real capacity. Movement becomes stress relief, not punishment. Food becomes nourishment, not a moral test. One of the most surprising shifts? Setting boundaries with screens — and how going phone-free in the evenings brought more calm, connection, and consistency into her home.

We close with three gentle practices mothers can begin this week, rooted in presence, simplicity, and grace. This is a sustainable vision of health — one that honors motherhood as it actually is.

Connect with Jess:

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New here? Start with episodes 1-3: “Take Back Your Life”, "From Hustle to Healing", and “5 to Thrive.”

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Jess:

It was a way that I received love. It was a way that I was granted myself acceptance with the body comments that came as a result of me paying very close attention to my body image.

Gillian:

If your days feel full, but your heart longs for more meaning, you're not alone. Between the screens, the schedules, and the never-ending noise, it's easy to lose your sense of peace. But what if the way forward isn't found in doing more, but in learning to slow down, to simplify, to be still. Welcome to Be Still and Live, a podcast for individuals, couples, and families longing for calm, connection, and a more meaningful way to live. I'm Jillian, speaker, coach, and founder of Sileo Health and Wellness, and I'm here to help you create space for stillness and step into a life that feels whole and good again. Today I'm sitting down with someone who truly understands the invisible load that mothers carry. Jessica Caracillo is a mom of four little ones under six, a certified health coach and the founder of Inspired by Jess, a movement helping overwhelmed moms find their footing again in the chaos of real-life motherhood. Jess blends habit psychology with functional health in a way that feels refreshingly doable. She helps moms move from knowing what to do to actually doing it without perfectionism, punishment, or pressure. Her work is all about flexible routines, reclaiming energy, and breaking free from the all-or-nothing mindset that keeps so many women stuck, burned out, and constantly starting over. This conversation is warm, real, and deeply affirming. If you're craving a more compassionate approach to your health, your habits, or just your everyday capacity as a mom, you're in the right place. Let's dive in. Jess, I'm so grateful to have you here. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here talking with you. It's gonna be a great conversation. I can just feel it. It is gonna be a great conversation. And again, like many of these conversations, a conversation that I personally need to have. I'm excited to be inspired by you, Jess. Your voice, your voice in the fitness and health world is such a breath of fresh air, especially for moms who carry so much these days. You have such a compassionate, down-to-earth approach to health, so different from what we see online. I'd love to go back to where that began. What is your story? What led you into this work? And I'm curious to know if there was a moment when you realized the traditional fitness world wasn't serving women, especially moms.

Jess:

Oh, where do I start? Where do I start? Honestly, so my health journey, I want to say, started when I was a teenager. And I say that loosely because I think my idea of what it means to be healthy has shifted drastically over the years. And sometimes it shifts drastically even in a couple of months. So when I started thinking that I was wanting, I was wanting to get healthier, it was, I remember being a teenager and it kind of started as a very body image-driven motive, right? Which was kind of my tendency all through teenage years, all through college. It was just, it was very body focused. And I think the reason that was for me is because it was one very small way that I could gain back control in my life in a life that I felt so out of control in. It was a way that I received love. It was a way that I was granted myself acceptance with the body comments that came as a result of me paying very close attention to my body image. So in my teenage years, it was going through the insecurity of just like trying to figure out who I was. Um, and that came with me paying close attention to how I looked. Um, I remember not being able to ever go out in public without makeup. Um, everything had to look perfect. You know, there was this real insecurity and anxiety around the way that I looked and how I would be perceived if I didn't show up to the capacity that I thought people needed me to show up as. And so that transpired into my college years, which were, again, very rocky, very um deep insecurities, very deep insecurities. Went through a really bad breakup. Um, and that led me into my eating disorder. And going through the eating disorder was quite, you know, I look back at those times now and I just wish I could give myself a big hug because these times were really difficult for me. And once I kind of moved, the eating disorder was there for probably about five years on and off. And within the realm of that, it presented itself in different ways. So um, I have tried every diet under the sun, you know, I was vegan for a few months where I basically survived on crackers. I was vegetarian, I tried the intermittent fasting thing. But none of these diets necessarily are disordered or toxic at it at their core. But for me, the intent it was about the intent behind it. And the intent behind it for me was always about making my body smaller, making my body look a certain way. And that was the way that I perceived health. If I look the way that people think that it looks to be healthy, then I must be healthy. But I think people would look at me and think, wow, this girl's fit. She's in shape, she's got the body, you know. But behind the scenes, I was really struggling. Like I was not in good mental state whatsoever. And so then I met my husband. My husband, uh, my my current husband. I've only ever had one husband, but my current husband, and he changed everything for me. Um, you know, I think initially when I first met him, it was I hid a lot of this stuff from him because I was so embarrassed and so shame-filled and um feeling really guilty about where I had come because he is such a secure person and so confident in himself and so sure of himself. And so when I met him, being so insecure and so unsure of myself felt almost like a threat. And so I hid a lot from him for the first little bit. Um, and then once he, once I realized that he was in it unconditionally and that he loved me unconditionally, no matter what, that's where it almost started that I could kind of let down that wall that I had had up for so many years. Um so that led me, he was actually the one that introduced me to the gym. So the gym still to this day is like one of my sanctuary sanctuaries, but it didn't start that way. It was not always the most positive experience. It definitely went toxic very quickly. Um, I would go to the gym twice a day. I would be, you know, very much of the mentality I need to work off my calories. Um, I ate something bad. So that means I have to go on the treadmill or go for a walk. So it was very much, it was very punishment driven. Um, and again, that's that spiraled me back into those beliefs about my body and that if my body doesn't look this way, then I'm not going to get the love that I am so desperately craving. And so for me, what changed, I would say, the most is um getting pregnant, you know, getting married and getting pregnant very quickly. So that that happened kind of back to back. So here I am, I find myself in the first real secure relationship of my entire life. And then I find myself pregnant. And it was obvious, it was incredible. And we were so happy. And I wasn't expecting the wild ride that would be the body acceptance piece of it going through that pregnancy. I think I don't want to say I significantly struggled, but it certainly threw my past patterns into back into that spiral. So a lot of these eating disorder thoughts or body dysmorphia thoughts were coming back in pregnancy, which I then had to kind of combat. I wasn't expecting that part of my pregnancy journey, but it happened. And um I found myself really leaning more toward appreciating my body for what it was doing. I was just in awe of my changing body, this deep desire of wanting to nourish my child and like be that lifeline for my child, I think really changed my outlook on the way that I looked at my body and what it was actually good for. Um, because for the first time in my life, I didn't have that rock and bot anymore. It wasn't about the good body anymore. It was like this is me fueling my body to try to grow this incredible, beautiful child. And so after I delivered my daughter, um, I exclusively breastfed actually all of my children, but that it kind of tied into that other aspect of me appreciating my body for what it could do and not necessarily for how it looked. So once I got pregnant with my second child six months later, it was um shocking for sure. I don't think we were expecting it to happen that quickly, but also it it at that point I was very much of the mentality that like this is me fueling my body. And it really um it helped me again to drive away those those thoughts of like, oh my gosh, my body looks a certain way and really transition into I'm nourishing. So I'm still breastfeeding my first. I'm also growing life in my sec for my second. And then the second was these these two pregnancies were peak COVID as well. So we had entered that experience in COVID. It was very isolating, very scary time for everybody. Um, and so my second actually landed in a home birth, which was partially planned, partially not. We were kind of like up in the air of like whether or not we we wanted to, but we we did it. And I say we because I would not have been able to do that without my husband. Um, but again, just really granted me that deep appreciation for like, wow, if I can just trust my body for what it can do as a whole and how it feels, I think is the biggest thing too, right? We get so deferred from from really tuning into what our body needs and and the incredible things that our body can do. And so that was just confirmation, I think, for me that like, wow, my body is really doing this. And and I, if if I can support it in the right ways, then it's it's um it's never gonna go, you're never gonna go wrong if you come from a lens of supporting and nourishing versus fully focusing on the actual image itself. So after my home birth, uh my again, same type of thing. So now we have a very young toddler, 16 months old. We have a newborn, and then six months later, I found out I was pregnant with my twins. Wow. And so here I am sitting in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. I have two kids, basically under the age of two, and I've now found out that I'm gonna be welcoming twins into the world. So to say I panicked is an understatement. Uh, we were overjoyed, of course, but there was a lot of the and feelings, I think, with all of that and uncertainty and just like, wow, my body's just been through so much. Um, how am I gonna support this pregnancy and also continue to nourish my second? And so again, even further confirmed this idea behind giving my body what it needed. And so this is where I found myself really hyper-focusing on the nutrition piece. This is where I started taking a lot of my nutrition certifications and my courses really as a personal, a personal journey. It was for me wanting to improve the knowledge for myself, not yet knowing that this is probably going to tie into eventually what I would help people with. So it really came from a lens again there of more knowledge for myself, for my family. I was feeding new children, new, new uh toddlers who were just learning how to eat and babies learning how to eat. And so it came from that lens as well, just wanting to be able to provide them the best, you know, what I considered to be the best of the best. Um and then my twins came. And that uh that birth journey was insane and yet again reminded me of just that confirmation like, holy, my body is incredible. Look at what it just did. And then also still finding myself struggling from certain thoughts and old patterns and tendencies. Because I think what a lot of people don't realize is, and when they when they come from a lens of wanting to find the source of their problems, I don't think that people realize how deeply ingrained these things are, and that the idea of working through something, it does not mean that these things are going to go away. My eating disorder and my body dysmorphia will never go away. It will always be a part of me. And I'm grateful for that. Um, and it can feel frustrating at times when you feel like you've worked through these things and then they could they continue to come up and you're like, oh, wait a minute, I thought I already went through this, you know, and oh, there it is again, you know. So I think at that point it became about this radical acceptance that my body's never going to be like it was before kids. And that I had finally accepted that like the stretch, stretch marks, the looser skin, being heavier on the scale, all of these things literally meant nothing about me as a human being or as a mother or as a wife. And it's crazy. Like to me, I I I, you know, I'm so grateful for this experience because it's what it's what's allowed me, you know, having these four children in such a cre in such a small period of time is I feel like what has allowed me to really step into that body acceptance. Um and yet I I still find myself mourning the old me sometimes and just wanting, you know, it's like you wish that you had the wisdom that you had now and were able to your younger self. So I do feel like that's almost like the death of an old version of me that has now been reborn as this new incredible woman as a mother and as a wife. So after my twins were born, um, I was very, it was evident that I was significantly depleted. I was not only significantly depleted nutritionally, I was depleted mentally. I was overwhelmed, overstimulated. You know, we have essentially four kids under three at one point. And I was exclusively breastfeeding the twins as well. So it was just, it was, that was not a very healthy part of my life mentally, because I was just completely overwhelmed, totally overworked. So I thought, okay, I'm gonna hire a coach. I want to hire a coach and I'm gonna like get myself right. I'm gonna make sure that I'm replenished because I know it was really depleted nutritionally. So I hired this coach with full intentions that that was gonna happen. Um and spoiler, spoiler alert, it did not, unfortunately. So um I don't want to certainly not speak bad about this coach because I really believe it was just a knowledge deficit. She hadn't really worked with moms before. So she handed me this meal plan that said, okay, eat this. Here's a cup of this, eat the broccoli, eat the chicken, eat the ground beef, eat the blueberries, whatever. And I followed it, thinking I hired somebody. She's professional, she knows what she's doing. She knows I'm, she knows I'm exclusively breastfeeding. And so what that ended up doing is it started to again, I started to get these thoughts again. My past eating disorder, my body dysmorphia, all of these like the all-or-nothing mentality started coming back. All these things that I thought I was I had worked through, now they're presenting themselves again. And then what the the the breaking point was for me is unfortunately that strict meal plan drove me so far into a caloric deficit that I started losing my breast milk supply as a result of being on such a strict diet. And her advice to me at that point, when I had expressed the concerns, like, hey, I'm noticing an output issue here, her um advice to me was go eat a piece of toast with honey. Wow. And so that I would say was the breaking point for me. I'm like, okay, there's a deficit here in coaches who understand mothers and who understand the complexity of motherhood and who understand that telling somebody to be more disciplined or more motivated does nothing for people, especially nothing for moms. And in fact, I do have a pretty strong opinion that people who only preach tough love, it's it's the lazy way, it's the easy way out. It places the blame back on the woman. Whereas we need more supportive environments for moms to thrive. And I believe that comes from a deep empathy and compassion and understanding on a deeper level outside of my education, my credentials, it really comes from this personal experience and growth journey. And so that's where this was born. I thought, wow, you know what? I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm not letting women go through what I went through.

Gillian:

And it's your story that's going to transform lives. The fact that you're sitting here today sharing this story, this is wisdom. This is where it's at. This is why I started this podcast. Because you're wishing that you had this knowledge when you were younger, but now you get to share this knowledge with other people. You get to share this knowledge. Do you have daughters? You have the first one.

Jess:

I have three. Three daughters.

Gillian:

So, this is the wisdom you get to pass down to your own daughters and to your son so that he can support the women in his life. This is what matters most lived experience. There's just so much to unpack in your story. I'm I'm taking notes here like crazy, and I'm just nodding the entire time. Jess, first of all, you are amazing. I had four children, five and under, and that was crazy. That was chaos. I am just like inserting myself into your life, having four kids under the age of three, having twins, nursing all of them. I mean, your story is amazing. It really is. So thank you for being here. Thank you for your honesty, sharing the challenges along the way. I'm picturing what you experienced, and we have a lot of similarities in our story. The one thing that that stood out to me is the image that you shared of like the perfect, the perfect body, the perfect person, but inside you're dying. Inside, you felt like you were so insecure. We look at people from the outside, right? And we have no idea what's going on in the inside. And this is what social media is doing. And I know we're going to talk about this later, the comparison trap. We have this vision of what we believe people's lives are like based on the outside. But we're not seeing what's going on on the inside. We're not seeing the impact of trying to um pursue these things for trying to be a certain way. So the fact that you shared that with us is so important. Um going back to what you said about trusting your body, getting to the point where you learn to trust your body, to block out all of the noise that had been imposed on you your entire life, and realizing, you know what, all of the knowledge I need, I already have. I already have. It's already, it's already within me. I just need to tune in. So I just to get to the next part of this conversation because there's so much to unpack here. You speak to moms in a way that feels like a friend sitting beside them. I'd love to talk about that real life experience. Walking alongside women, really teaching them how to trust themselves again. And when you become a mom, you really do start to trust yourself again because you realize your body is so powerful. Why do you think moms feel so much pressure around health, fitness, and body image?

Jess:

Oh, that's a loaded one too. I would say the most common that I see is that we have high achieving women who are becoming mothers who maybe lived some variation of a type A life prior to children. And then all of a sudden, motherhood smacks them in the face. Like, oh, they are humble. This isn't actually gonna go the way that I thought it was gonna go. And so that will manifest in so many different ways. I think that can manifest manifest mostly in anxiety, in the all or nothing mentality. Perfectionism, these are all tied together. And I your your question to me just um would you mean would you mind repeating the question?

Gillian:

Not at all. Why do you think moms feel so much pressure around health, fitness, and body image? I mean, you touched on this a little bit, but I really want to I want to help moms feel heard here. Where is the the pressure coming from? Where is it stemming from? Why do we feel so much pressure to be a certain way?

Jess:

I think it's a lot about tying our progress to our worth. So if we are not, we don't see ourselves or we don't, we're not living the life that we envisioned, that somehow that means that we're failing. And so that is a direct reflection on our own self-worth. And so it's, I believe the the solution is not as black and white as we would all hope. I think it is, but it is the solution is acceptance first. I mean, it always has to be accepted. So awareness comes first, acceptance is down the road. But the acceptance that life is different as a mom and that the way that we once lived pre-kids, you know, potentially a double income, no kids, like this is not, it's not the life anymore. It's a very different reality. And so therefore, we can't expect that the habits that were once working for us pre-kids are going to be the same habits that exist after kids. And that can be really hard to accept, especially when you are that more, you know, you like your ducks in a row. This was me, right? I loved my ducks in a row. I loved having my free time. I loved planning everything. I was a hyper planner, over-scheduler. Um, and for me, in my experience, that was that was because I craved control. It was, it was a me feeling out of control in my life. And so therefore, I decided to bring back control. And through that was again this hyper obsessing over schedules, hyper obsessing over body image, hyper obsessing over doing everything perfectly. And then motherhood again smacked me in the face in the best way possible because it made me realize that I can still be this incredible human without succumbing to this pressure to be perfect.

Gillian:

Yeah, it's it's so true. I love what you said about letting go of the life we envisioned. And when you said that, I'm thinking, is it the life that we envisioned, or is it the life that we are seeing in the world? The life that's shared with us as, you know, this is the way it's supposed to look. This is the way that, you know, you should strive to make it look. But in reality, it doesn't look that way. When you're in the when you are in the thick of it with new moms, with families who have young children, you know it's chaos. You know it's messy. And we're not sharing that on a grander scale. We're sharing this very polished kind of Pinterest experience of motherhood. But we've lost that village experience where we are walking each other through the chaos of what motherhood looks like from the beginning, especially when you're just getting used to it. So I'd like to just acknowledge this vision that we have. Like, where does it, where does it come from? And is it real? And at what point do we come back to something that is more aligned with the true experience of motherhood? Yes.

Jess:

Bang on, bang on. This, I think it comes from many different places, this this comparison or this idea of what things should be, right? The shoulds. So many of us get caught in these shoulds, like, oh, I should have it all together by now. I should be able to work out. I have all this time. Why don't I, why don't I do it? Like, and by all this time, I mean not that you necessarily have all the time in the world, but it's, I think all of us get to this point where we can recognize our own role in our outcomes, but it's hard to recognize that or even hard to move past that when we feel like we are constantly in this comparison cycle. And whether that be from social media, again, just seeing this beautifully curated, perfect highlight, real, as much as you try to be real on social media, and this is this is me, right? As much as I try to be real and down-to-earth, people only get a glimpse of what my life is actually like. And so I think we we have to have that understanding, but it doesn't make it go away because you also have people that are very well-intentioned, well-meaning friends and family giving their opinions, their opinions of this is how I did it. So this is how it should work for you too. But that is just completely irrelevant because we all have different circumstances. We all have a different set of logistics and the way that our lives are set up are entirely unique. And so what works for one person truly cannot possibly work for somebody else. It's the same thing as you could follow the same diet as somebody, and your body shape will be entirely different because you are a unique human being. And so, again, I think the the part that people get caught up in is this version of what they think life needs to be. And when we can let down those walls and those guardrails and those expectations and invite in what actual real life feels like, including the good and the bad, right? Because I think the other part is we get caught in this idea that everything has to feel good all the time. Well, I'm not happy. Yeah, but happiness is not a state. Happiness is fleeting. We have happy moments, but we can't be, we can't possibly be in this blissful state all the time. And I used to find myself in these moments where I would feel so much shame and guilt around that, where I would go through these hard times and be scared to tell anybody because in their eyes, I was living the dream. I, you know, how many times have you walked up or passed a stranger on the sidewalk or met somebody in the mall or a grocery store that just said, like, enjoy these times? You know, don't let these moments slip you by. And then how many times do we as mothers slip into this kind of guilt and shame of like, but wait a minute, like I'm drowning right now. I I can't, like, I feel like I can't fully enjoy these moments. And I still find myself in these, in these moments sometimes in the crazy, chaotic life that I live, and just constantly assessing my own role in my in my family life and just wanting to soak in every moment, right? But there also comes this pressure and guilt with that too. So I think it's it's it's a lot about perspective. I think those, you know, elderly ladies in the grocery store are not wrong. These moments, they are the days, and we can appreciate that the good old days also come with very hard moments. And so sort of releasing that shame and that guilt and that pressure that we feel to have to live every moment to the fullest and make sure that we're present with our kids all the time and being that perfect parent, quote unquote, which is just totally unrealistic. Once we can let go of that and be authentic to who we are and to just being a whole human, we can start to be more present and really enjoy the good and the bad, right? The bad to enjoy the good.

Gillian:

I agree. I most moments are ordinary moments. And I think that that's what we need to we need to accept and embrace. We have the highs and the lows, but most of the time it's just ordinary. And that's that's okay. That's the way it's supposed to be. Jess, one of the things you're known for is helping women break the all or nothing mindset. You've touched on this a little bit already. And I believe so many of our listeners will relate. Why is the all or nothing mentality so common, especially for moms?

Jess:

It certainly feeds back into that comparison. So feeling like we have to be, we have to reach a certain outcome by a certain time. So I think that fuels this idea that we're on fire. Like every, if we don't, if we don't optimize, if we don't make the most of our time, if we don't do things X, Y, and Z consistently, right? There's that lovely word that everybody likes to use is being consistent. But what does consistent actually mean? Like consistent, consistency to me does not necessarily mean that you are doing the same thing the same way every single day. And in fact, in motherhood, that can't, that's just simply not possible. It's not realistic to think that every single day you're gonna have this beautiful 10-step morning routine would be lovely. And if you can do that as a mom, I love that and I applaud you. Please show me your ways. But in most cases, and especially with raising young children, that just is not the case. So this is where I really like to teach people about flexible routines. So having these base, these baseline health habits that we try to reach for, but that those are actually going to look different depending on your day. Some days you wake up and you've had two hours of sleep. To expect that you're going to be able to do the same things on two hours of sleep as you can on five or six or seven or eight is just simply unrealistic. So I think it's kind of again going back to the pressure, to the standards, to just this these expectations that we hold ourselves to. I think a lot of us too tend to use the guilt that we feel as motivation. So, in order to avoid guilt, we try to act and we we overwork ourselves and we we overschedule ourselves and we try to stay busy as a as a coping mechanism. So I think that's a lot of the time where people get caught up as well, is just in order to try to avoid those uncomfortable feelings, we overwork ourselves as a result. Another thing I see very commonly too is hyperfixating on the wrong things. So just feeling like we're, you know, we're nitpicking ingredients in food. We are trying out the latest supplement. We are thinking that there's, you know, there's kind of this quick way to get through. Quick fixes work, but not on a sustainable level. So they will give you the results that you're wanting, but to maintain those results is very unlikely. And this is something, I mean, I've talked about this many times before, but generally speaking, 80 to 90% of people that go on a diet are going to gain that weight back and more. And I think that just speaks, that speaks volumes to diets in general. Um, and just uh a strict restriction-based way of doing things. And that's another common thing that I see in people is they're like, oh, well, I can't have this because that, you know, food equals bad. We have to take that away because the the moment that we give power back to food or to any type of action or movement or whatever it is that you're you're you're restricting yourself over, we give that thing power. That then spirals us into resenting what we're doing, which will then, again, get get you back into that cycle of starting over every Monday, or you know, you ruin your diet one day. Oh, I'll just start the next day. And then meanwhile, you're just you're overeating and you're compensating for those restrictive patterns because you're resenting the process. So I think a big part of it is just allowing ourselves to take that pressure off, but realizing that when you're in it for the long run, these little what we consider to be slip-ups are not actually slip-ups. They're just all part of the process. And the moment we can ask ourselves, okay, what's what's the next right move? So we did this thing. Detach yourself and your self-worth from that thing that you think that you did that's so bad. Go right back into the what is the next right thing.

Gillian:

Right. That that perfection or give up cycle, it's something that a lot of us know very well. I certainly struggle with that. You know, if I I can't do it, if I have, if I can't execute it perfectly, then it's a complete flop. And I'm gonna give up and I'm gonna start again next week or next month or next year. I love this idea of just going with the flow, being kind to yourself, giving yourself grace. It's not going to be perfect because life isn't perfect. You're gonna be thrown curveball after curveball, especially as a new mom. So the more you can just be kind to yourself, to go with the flow and learn how to offer yourself, like you said, that unconditional love. The more you're going to stick with a practice that feels good for your body and in your body. I think this is the message that moms especially need to hear. Yeah, it's it's so true.

Jess:

It's so true. It's it is so easy to get caught up in it. Um, I think we're so scared of failing too. I I think we we we again we see failure as more than just a failure. It is a lot of us see it as a true reflection of our worth. Um but actually it takes failure. It takes failure, it takes trialing and erroring this stuff. And again, going back to the quick fixes, like quick fixes, they they are rigid and a lot of punishment-based type of fixes, you know, whereas if we look at things more from a sustainable lens, that's where you can give grant yourself the for forgiveness and the un the forgiveness and the unconditional love, but also the flexibility. That's where the flexibility comes in because you realize that if you go off one day, it's not that you failed. You just pick up the very next moment. And that's the other thing, too, is I think it's like, oh, well, I'm just gonna start on Monday. You know, weekends off, but I'm gonna start Monday. But we forget that you can actually grant yourself that reset at any point. So why not the next hour? Why not grant your reset at noon? You know, like there's a way that we can continue, make that again, that continuous cycle without necessarily taking a pause for too long because there's always something that we can be doing.

Gillian:

I love that idea. I feel like it's so accessible to everybody. And it it's about that unconditional love for yourself. And that's, I believe, where we need to start, especially with young women, and to really plant the seeds with that mindset and that approach to health and wellness. Jess, I want to dig in a little bit more to the diet culture. I know this is something you feel very strongly about, which is so refreshing because I think that we do need to start talking about this, especially discussing the weight loss drugs that are out there today that seem to be getting more and more popular. What does being anti-diet mean to you?

Jess:

Yeah, this is uh this is one that I I think about every morning I wake up, every night before I go to bed. And I because the moment that you realize that the health and fitness industry as a whole profits off of women's bodies being broken, the more you start to realize and the bells start to really click together. So now it's like everything that I see. So messaging I see, marketing on supplements, you know, um, even these, you know, these GLP ones that are very common and very um, they're they're very sought after now, but sought after in certain degrees for the wrong reasons. I'm not anti-GLP ones, I'm not anti-weight loss drugs. There's always a time and a place. And in fact, this is where a nuance has to be brought into the conversation, which I feel like it gets left out a lot in this industry because the other part about the health and fitness industry is it's like a trillion dollar industry. I mean, we are there's lots of competition out there. So you have people that are trying to fight and compete for a very short attention span online. And so therefore, that transpires into black and white marketing. And so there is not a lot of room, unfortunately, for nuance online in the health and fitness space. So we're getting these very drastic claims, these claims, not only that, but a lot of fear-mongering, a lot of like, this is toxic and stop doing this. You know, a lot of the negative language around health and fitness versus the more empowering language, the more positive ways that we can contribute. And the real reason is because people are just trying to be seen and our attention spans, unfortunately, are a lot less than they used to be. So I think there's a lot that ties into that. So it's not that I would say I'm anti-diet to, but I would say on a whole, as a whole, I don't see it as a sustainable way, especially when you are trying to abide by a certain macronutrient ratio. You're adhering to calories. There's a time and a place for these things. But to think about trying to be in this fat loss phase or in a deficit for an extended period of time, it's just, it's not going to happen. Eventually, you get to a point where your body weight will and should stop. Otherwise, you're going to go too far over the other edge. So, this is where I love to just promote more flexible eating, intuitive eating. Um, that even comes with some nuance because you have to be have awareness around what you're putting on your plate too. So you need to know what's a protein, what's a fat, what's a fiber. Um, these things are important as a knowledge base, but I, you know, I'm just not the coach for you if you're expecting me to give you a meal plan and say, here, eat this. And in fact, I think that does quite a disservice to people. To go uh because it it it prevents people from actually learning the skills that they need to carry with them through their life. It's it's me giving you the quick fix. By me giving you a meal plan, that's a quick fix. Whereas what I prefer to do is actually educate my clients and let them know, okay, here, here's what's in your food. You know, this is and what by what's in it, I don't necessarily mean hyperfocusing on ingredients. I mean what's a protein again, what's a fiber. These are basic level things, but basic level things are really the things that are going to take you to that next level. Um, but going back to your question around just diet culture and and this exposure that we have to diet culture. So, diet culture, it profits off of this idea that being smaller or thinner equates to being more worthy. And this stuff is so deeply ingrained in us, especially like millennial women. I mean, we watched our parents go through this. We watched celebrities that were stick thin that were getting asked, why'd you gain weight? You know, um, we see it in shapewear, you know, we still see it in shapewear, in trying to create this ideal body or this ideal image, and that that will somehow be the magic thing that all women need to finally feel worthy. But the problem is the chase never ends. Because as soon as you feel like you've gotten, you've reached that peak, there's going to be that next thing. So, right now, I mean, the hype is big butts, you know, small waists, big boobs. But in five years from now, I can guarantee it's going to be something different. So, like looks are always changing, and that change is is driven by people like celebrities, people of high privilege. Um, it's it's really morphed in ways that we can't even fully, fully comprehend. And it just ends up being this hamster wheel that we can't get off.

unknown:

Absolutely.

Jess:

And beyond that, I think it's such a distraction. Sorry to just add to that. Beyond that, it is such a distraction. We are bombarded with the next best thing. I mean, you know, it there's the green supplements and this, you know, this supplement is what's going to cure it all. And I mean, supplements are one thing, but it's also just again, this body image and what's being desirable as a woman, that image has changed drastically over the decades. So I imagine that in 10 years, it's probably not going to be the big butts in the flat stomach. You know, it's going to be something else that we're then forced to feel like we have to achieve.

Gillian:

Absolutely. I completely agree with you. I think it's this education that is going to serve us long term. Educate ourselves about the facts about what our body actually needs and separating what that looks like. If if the education is coming from a corporation or a pharmaceutical company, you probably don't want to trust it because those companies are making a profit off of you locking into whatever message they're trying to feed you. So this is where I'd like to talk about what you you brought up before. You brought up distraction. It's all a distraction. I think this is so important, Jess. And I really want to dig into this with you. This is where our work intersects with Soleil Health and Wellness. I try to teach my clients. Life is far more uncomplicated than we make it. We need to focus on the simplest things first, to build that strong foundation based on our personal values. And that's where we start. But the problem is so many people are stressed and overwhelmed, moms, especially, who are often carrying two full-time jobs, their professional career and all of their responsibilities as mothers. We are dealing with this epidemic of stress and overwhelm and mom life chaos that's impacting a woman's ability to take care of her body. What is some of your advice for how to break through these distractions and allow yourself to be freed up to focus on the things that matter most?

Jess:

Number one, when you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, please put down your phone. The Doom scrolling is killing us, literally. I think a lot of us use the scrolling, of course, to numb. It's a way that we, you know, this is my me time. This is my time to disconnect. It's my time to just not think about anything. But what we've what we forget is that Doom scrolling is constant stimulation. It is adding to the overwhelm. It's preventing us from connecting to the people that we love. This is something that you and I have talked about, Jillian, but something that we have recently done over the last month is we have essentially gone screen-free from about 5 p.m. until the kids go to bed. So it ends up being about a two and a half to three hour window. But as somebody who primarily and my husband as well, we both work off of screens most of the day, we just found ourselves coming to the end of the day when our children got home and we weren't presenting as the parents that we wanted to be. We were distracted. And even if you have the phone that's right beside you, you know, it's it's different than having your phone in a different room. It's different from setting that boundary of this is our time. This is the time to reconnect with the people in my life that matter the most. Because the people online, I'm sorry, but they don't matter. Almost nearly as much, of course, nearly as much as the people that are in front of you. And yet, those are the people that we are going to for that comfort and to numb. So I just started to find that quite bothersome to me. And that was why we decided to make that shift. And it's been magical. It has been such an incredible way for us to reconnect as a family. We're all happier as a result. And I feel it's like a breath of fresh air to just not have that ding ding-ding. Or even if you have your phone on on silent, it doesn't matter. The fact that your phone is beside you tells the people around you that they don't matter as much as this. So to actually be able to take that step back and be like, hey, phones are in a different room. We're not even going to look, you know, there's been, and again, I say this with nuance because there's certainly been times over the last month or so that there's some some emergency is coming up. We have to have our phones with. We usually always have it on louder or um, if people need to call us, they can still reach us in that regard. But it really has been this quite uh a it's been life-changing for us, truly. And I can feel the connection is better, not only with my children, but with my husband. My husband and I are sitting there and we're chatting, we're communicating, and we're not looking down at our phones to just check to see if that you know notification came through or who came. Nobody is more important in that moment than the time with your family. Right. Um, and so that this has really allowed us to take that step back and remember this is why we're doing what we're doing. Right. Ultimately, this is why.

Gillian:

That's such solid advice, Jess. I think it's more important than ever to have those boundaries, to have clear boundaries for a spouse, for our children, especially as our children get older, they're going to mirror our behavior. So to teach them when they're young, no, this is the time we focus on each other. This is the time where we connect with each other. And you can't do that when there's a screen between you and the other person. It's so important. And especially when you are feeling like you want to numb out, to go on that phone and to do scroll, you're seeing the best side of everybody's life. You are not getting the whole story. You're not getting the full picture. So it just makes you feel worse about yourself. When we reconnect with people in person, that's what truly uplifts us. That's what offers us that true authentic connection that we're actually seeking. So I love that story. And I would love to challenge all of the listeners to have that boundary in their life, even if it's just an hour a day, two hours in the evening, whatever that looks like, to remove the phone, put it in a different room so you can't hear it, you can't see it flash. So the people around you know that you are fully present.

Jess:

Exactly. Exactly. And and truly, it comes from, you know, I want to make sure I reiterate this so comes from a place of love and not from a place of me wanting to shame other people for their behaviors because this was us, right? This was us not too long ago. So I can appreciate how difficult it feels to do that, to do that sometimes. Um, but all I can speak to is our own lived experience and how much it's changed are really my mental health. And also it's just it's amazing to release yourself from that, um, from the constant stipulation prior to bedtime. And that's a whole other conversation that we can have around circadian rhythm and just like promoting that optimal sleep and blue light ultimately is not going to do anybody really any good prior to prior to sleep. So prepping your body and by winding down at the end of the day is doing such a service for not only connection, but also really on a health through a health lens as well.

Gillian:

Right. It is, it truly is a gift to yourself. So just for the mom listening who feels tired, stretched thin, maybe stuck in survival mode, let's make things as simple as possible. What are two to three simple, doable habits a mom can start this week without needing perfection?

Jess:

Okay. Number one, please eat breakfast. Please eat breakfast, please eat lunch. I don't want you to focus necessarily on what that's going to be yet. I think you already have an idea of what you probably should be doing in terms of, you know, eating more protein, eating more veggies. I think just the concept of fueling yourself right first thing in the morning is so important for women. Um, so that's the first thing. But let go of the expectations. It doesn't have to be this perfect smoothie or this beautifully curated, you know, Greek yogurt bowl or whatever it is that you're seeing online. Just think fueling first, breakfast and lunch. The second thing, movement. Movement is a very underrated stress coping technique. It is really us channeling energy through the body. So when we are stagnant, that energy and that stress is nowhere to go. So this movement, I'm not going to tell you to hit the gym. I'm not going to tell you even to do a workout necessarily. It can just, it can look like it really anything. It can be, it can be dancing, putting on your favorite song and dancing. It can be putting on a 20-minute, one of your 20-minute favorite shows and just committing to movement in some degree, not necessarily following a structure, but just moving through the moment. And I'm a big believer too of in terms of trying to create new habits, attaching like a dopamine-filled task to something new that you're trying to establish. So that's why I suggest pairing something like a favorite show with movement, because it gives your body that kind of instant dopamine hit while still promoting the benefits of movement. Um, I'm always a big believer and advocate of getting outside and getting the sunshine and getting out, no matter no matter the temperature. I know it's getting harder now with the temperatures getting colder, but a quick walk around the block can do wonders for movement, but also for your mental health. Um, and the third thing, please be easy on yourself. Please know that you are not in a race. You are not in a race with yourself. You are not in a race with anybody else. This is your life and your experience. And just take a breath. You know, you're doing an incredible job. And I truly, there is no mom that I have met so far that is not doing an amazing job and that is so stressed that she's not doing enough.

Gillian:

You are enough and you are doing enough. Beautiful advice. I absolutely love that. And it's it's so on point. I I love that you use the word movement and not exercise. And it's the same that word that I use in my program. I refuse to use the word exercise because there's so many, you know, negative feelings attached to it. Really, we're talking about move your body in a way that brings you joy. You're allowed to pull that joy into your life, especially when you're moving your body. Movement is supposed to be fun and exciting, which ties into that idea of being kind to yourself. You're doing a great job. It doesn't have to look a certain way. Enjoy having a dance party with your kids. Go for a walk with your husband around the block with one of your besties. Tie in other aspects of your life that get you really excited to move your body. And as you said, keep doing it through the winter months because we we often get those winter blues, right? As we, you know, get into these longer, darker days and such. So I love this very simple advice that you offer because it's all very accessible. And just mentioning that we are dropping this episode right before the new year where everybody's thinking about New Year's resolutions, they all have their diets lined up for January 1st. I think this is such an important time to be sharing this information. So if there's one thing you wish every mom could hear and deeply believe about her health right now, as we turn the corner into 2026, what would it be?

Jess:

Yeah, this is such a good question. I think it ties back into my message just around, you know, you're not behind. You are not behind. And we want to enter 2026 with the idea that by the time you enter 2027, you still have similar habits to when you started in 2026. So no more on and off switch. Okay. This year is the year of sustainability. This year is the year that we grant ourselves permission to take it easy, to rest when we need the rest, to release the pressure of all the noise, of all the things that we think that we should be doing, and really enter this year as the start of a lifetime.

Gillian:

Beautiful. Jess, your approach feels like wisdom from a friend who really gets it. And uh that being said, I would love for our listeners to understand how they can reach out to you, how they can receive more of your wisdom and knowledge, how they can work with you. Is there is there a way that the listeners can connect with you? Absolutely.

Jess:

The best way to connect with me is going to be on Instagram underscore inspired by Jess. Um, and I take clients on a one-on-one capacity, and this is based on my capacity. So I will be having spots open up starting in January. So come along, follow me along, and uh hope for a I hope to always provide people with that down-to-earth real life experience. None of the BS, none of the facades, just me in all my glory, as a mom afford living the same life as many of you are living.

Gillian:

That's amazing. And as I'm raising two of my own daughters, Jess, I love that they have mentors like you who are offering real information that can help them with that sustainable approach, that healthy approach to health, fitness, motherhood, all of these beautiful things that should be a lot easier than what our world has made them out to be. So I really appreciate this conversation. You are such a gift, and I'd love to continue supporting you along the way. Amazing. Thank you so much. This was so much fun. Great conversation. It was. We'll have to have you on again sometime, Jess. Thank you so much, and happy new year. Happy New Year. Jess brings such a grounded, compassionate voice to the conversation about motherhood, health, and the expectations we're carrying. I love how she reminds us that real change doesn't come from perfection. It comes from gentle, consistent shifts that fit the actual rhythm of our homes and our lives. If something in today's episode spoke to you, you can connect with Jess and her work at Inspired by Jess, where she's helping moms build simple, sustainable habits that actually stick. Thank you so much for listening to Be Still and Live. If today's episode brought you a breath of peace or a moment of clarity, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who might need it too. For more resources to support your journey toward a slower, simpler, more connected life, visit SoleoCoaching.com or connect with me on Instagram at SoleoCoaching.

Speaker 1:

Until next time, be still and live.cardinalstudio.co or email Mike at mike at cardinalstudio.co. You can also find the details in the show notes.